I started hearing about Amazing Digital Circus a few months ago, right around the time all the ep9 drama started. I just couldn't wrap my head around why the FANS were saying they hate the creator, they hate the characters, they hate the plot points - like jesus christ. with fans like these, who needs enemies? After booping around a bit, best I could tell this mainly centered around the mean purple bunny.

And the discourse around him was so weird. I saw a lot of 'how can you support jax' and 'but he abused people - he's a BAD PERSON!' I never inserted myself into any of these discussions but it was goddamn tempting. Like, they know it's fiction right? Jax didn't abuse anybody because jax isn't REAL.

so i watch the damn show

At this point my curiosity was overwhelming. What could be so bad about this bunny that it blurred the line between fantasy and reality? So I start watching the show, and I really really like it. I love the bright colors, I love the lurking horror, I love that it's a loose retelling of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. I've known people just like ALL these characters! I've known Gangles and Pomnis and Ragathas, Kingers and Caines...It tickled my nostalgia, thinking about all the people who have come and gone in my life.

The purple bunny, though, felt like home. My favorite thing about people like that is their fierce loyalty - even if it is a bit fleeting. He reminded me of so many people. My friend Daisy, she was tough and mean and real protective of me. But she disappeared, and didn't say goodbye. I don't think it would have occured to her to. Brady, we used to drink in parking lots, listening to audioslave. everyone else hated audioslave (for some fucking reason), it became kind of our thing. he just wanted everyone to be having a good time all the time. Gone.

the should haves, would haves, and forgot tos

So Jax became my favorite. I'm enjoying his character arc. Remembering the moments I got, and being grateful. Then I got to ep9. When Pomni said 'I should have pried more,' my heart just sank. There's this fuzzy galloping thing, silent and aimless, taking up the space your friend used to be.

Had to pause for a second, and have an episode cry. Remembering my friend, 'the call' (which was actually a facebook post), that epic hug we shared in the summer of 2014. Remembered why I started watching this show in the first place. The vitriol, the hatred, the real abuse being sent towards the creator.

Here's this woman...and about half her countrymen want her dead. The only people who she's got on her side sort of just turn on her because they don't understand her message. She pours herself into this project, her greatest fear is that everyone will laugh at her and make her feel unloved, unwanted. And...that's exactly what fucking happened. Exactly what she was afraid of, it all came true.

I have too often asked myself why this had to be the outcome. And I guess I have the answer. It's because the world is like this. It's because the human race has basically abandoned compassion and empathy as a baseline value. They watched that whole fuckin thing, and all they got from it was 'goose wants us to feel sorry for an abuser.'

If you can't empathize with all humans, then you cannot do it at all. It's not a resource to be afforded or witheld, it is an ability. Our society relies upon it, this only works as long as most of us care about each other. That's why we invented music, dancing, art. Language. All tools to let us see each other, mirror each other. We're meant to exist in the same moment with others. You know this - you feel its absence. You wouldn't be reading my page if you didn't.

the fallout

It is september 5 2026, and last I heard the creator of digital circus was speculated to be grippy socked but safe. she's saying she's gonna be off social media for a bit, which is probably going to be for the best. I think I'm gonna do some mushrooms this weekend.