September 1, 2026

I tried going into a trance for the first time. It was cool, I hallucinated a tiny bit. Sort of. It was more like a dream.

Usually I don't believe in this sort of thing, but I read the Wikipedia page and it's actually pretty legit. It's just a slightly different state of consciousness, like getting absorbed into a movie. In retrospect, back when I was in the cult I used to go into a trance all the time, for tarot readings.

setting up

I turned out all the lights, sat to where my feet were on the floor (you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a chair short enough for me to do that). Pulled up a 30 minute track of just drumming. Closed my eyes, and waited to see what would happen.

Cannot for the life of me remember where I saw this, but I tried to imagine inhaling every time I exhaled and vice versa. Just something to help me keep my focus on my breath.

Eventually I started to feel like my body was falling backwards forever. It's a fun sensation, I remember getting it all the time when I was a kid. My individual body parts like fingers and knees just disappeared as far as I was concerned. what fingers?

day five: voices

Then I started hearing some vocal chatter, like people talking in the other room. I've gotten these before while falling asleep, so I wasn't scared. Actually it excited me so much I almost broke my focus. I wasn't able to make out any specific words this time, but I've been able to before falling asleep. Lemme tell you, the first time was fucking spooky. The chatter got louder and louder, then someone said "oh shit she can hear us" and then I fell directly asleep.

Actually, I did hear it one more time shortly after, on mushrooms. It was almost like the fungus was making a callback to an inside joke we share.

day thirteen: sign

My visual snow started getting colorful, which is also pretty normal for me when I smoke. No clue why, it started after I took mushrooms for the first time. I'm just playing with it, watching it swirl and hint at vague shapes

And then all at once, got a really vivid image of a cougar. It was SO intense, almost hypersaturated, I mean it left an afterimage. I heard it's scream over the chatter, and it was loud. Ever heard mountain lions call? It sounds like a woman shrieking. It was so loud that it jolted me out of it for a second.

So dawn turns to day, nothing gold can stay. Really only got the flash of him before he sort of smeared back into the visual snow, left a green trail behind him. After that, back to the wibbly wobbly matrix visuals, nothing else specific.

day four: mystery

Pretty cool experience, I think I'll try it again. Not sure what the mountain lion was about. Maybe I'll ask my mom, she's good at this stuff.